Star Wars III
by Kitty and the Marshmallow
Summary: Basically the story follows the plot of the third movie only with a new flare. Dedicated to Connor for being such a dork.
1. Rescueing the Chancellor

1Star Wars III

A long time ago,

In a galaxy far, far away…

Red laser blasts darted across the battle field. X-wings and Y-wings were scattered as they twirled around shooting wildly. The massive planet of Coruscant spread itself across the blackness that encircled them. Two jedi star fighters whizzed through the action. Inside them were two bickering Jedi.

"There you go again! I thought you said you didn't care about my style!" Anakin Skywalker yelled through his head set. The pristine voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi chimed through.

"It's not that," he tried to say in a calm voice "I just don't see why you have to take a half an hour to leave the docking bay."

"I had to wait for one that was yellow! God!"

"Why yellow? Not to be rude or anything, but that really isn't your color."

"Your mom Obi-Wan! You mom!"

"Oh no you did not!"

"You say it wrong, you dweeb." Anakin sat back in his seat and glared at the red fighter slicing through the air next to him. He looked up and fixed his mirror so he could see himself. He smiled and toiled his hair. He blew kisses at it shifted around in super model poses.

"We're coming closer to Grevious's ship Anakin." said Obi-Wan. Anakin sat up and crossed his arms.

"I'm not talking to you."

"Ani,"

"It's Anakin to you! I told you! Only my _closest_ friends can call me Ani!" he expected to hear one of Obi-Wan's "snappy" come backs but instead her a small sob. "Obi-Wan, don't cry."

"I give you twelve years of my life and what do I get in return?" he whimpered.

"I didn't mean it like that Obi-Wan, you know how I get when I forget to take my medicine."

"YOU FORGOT YOUR MEDICINE!" screamed Obi-Wan suddenly forgetting his sorrow. "How many times must I tell you? Your medicine is your life! You never can pay attention when you forget your medicine!"

Suddenly Anakin's gaze shifted. Obi-Wan's voice became a dull mumble. A small piece of medal was fluttering about outside after something exploded.

"So shiny." He gaped in amazement.

"Anakin?" asked Obi-Wan looking over and seeing his drooling comrade. Suddenly his fighter jolted forward. Small buzz droids began to poke and prod his fighter. He hurriedly turned on the wind shield wipers hoping they would knock off a few. One buzz droid clanked forward. Two arms with can openers shot out of it's body and sliced the wipers in half. "Anakin!" he cried.

"So shiny," he continued.

"Anakin! Turn your gay head over here! I'm going to flippin' die!" he failed to pull Anakin out of his trance. Just when he had lost all hope something amazing happened. The piece of medal landed on Obi-Wan's fighter. The buzz droids immediately attacked with fury.

"No!" cried Anakin. His fighter veered to face Obi-Wan's. He severed the droids in a furious blind shoot out with smoke and flashing lights.

"Thanks Anakin." said Obi-Wan.

"What?" Just as suddenly as the buzz droids had come they plummeted straight into a tower protruding from a ship. Fire swallowed everything in lightning blast. The medal screeched and melted into liquidy goo on the floor. But, amazingly, they walked out unharmed. Do you know why? Because they had their tray tables up and their seats back in the full up right position.

They stammered away from the twisted burning wreckage like drunk politicians. Anakin smiled as the gasoline from the fighters ignited in a fiery death. His eyes burned with excitement and interest as everything lit.

"That is so nefarious." said Anakin in awe. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, was cursing loudly and pulling his hair.

"That gas cost $2.89 a gallon! Yoda is going to be so ticked when he finds out I stole gas money from his wallet and burnt it all in a fiery death again!"

"So much fire, so much DESTRUCTION!"

"Come on you arsonist, we need to find the chancellor." Obi-Wan dragged Anakin away by the hood, his eyes still inflated to maximum size.

"DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION! DESTRUCTION!"

The two ran through the deserted halls. Obi-Wan had tried to calm him down by injecting his medicine, but that only made things worse. He fell to the ground crying like a baby because it "hurt so bad". But, when Obi-Wan gave him a picture of himself it made things better.

"So master, what do you think?" Anakin stopped and struck a pose. "Wait, I'm not done yet!" he then proceeded to put his hood up and strike another pose.

"You mean, which one do I think is hooter?" asked Obi-Wan.

"You mean _hotter_." said Anakin.

"That's what I said."

"No, you said hooter."

"Oh sorry, my mind is still at dinner. Yoda, Mace, and I went out to eat."

"You went to Hooters!" yelled Anakin bursting into laughter.

"Yes, why?"

"You at Hooters! Obi-Wan Kenobi, at Hooters! Now, Yoda and Mace I can understand, but you? That's hilarious!"

"Oh no you did not." growled Obi-Wan stepping closer to Anakin.

"Dude, you're in my bubble." Anakin waved his hand and Obi-Wan flew into the wall.

"You're getting better!" yelled Obi-Wan in approval.

Finally, after many stops while Anakin tried to explain things to Obi-Wan about why he didn't really fit at Hooters, they arrived where the chancellor was being held by Count Dooku.

"Anakin! Yay! You came!" yelled Palpatine in excitement.

"I love your nails!" remarked Anakin.

"I did them myself." came a deep and creepy voice from behind them. They turned to see Count Dooku himself, not Count Dracula, but Count Dooku. Even though they are played by the same person, this one is Dooku. I know because Dooku has a lightsabor and Dracula has sharp teeth. We don't know if Dooku has sharp teeth though. The only one who's gotten close enough to his mouth to tell is Anakin, but he never "kisses and tells".

"Count Dooku," said Obi-Wan feeling an insult coming on. "I never knew you were so feminine."

"You never write, you never call, what do you expect me to do besides paint prisoners nails?" he asked.

"At last, the time has come, to do what we came here for." announced Anakin. A long silence followed. Everyone looked at him. "I kind of forgot what we're doing here."

"It's a secret!" yelled Obi-Wan. "He's not supposed to know what we're doing here either! I can't just tell you in front of him!"

"You can whisper it in my ear!" persisted Anakin cupping his hands around his ear.

"I thought I was 'popping your bubble'!" sniggered Obi-Wan.

"I forgive you, now just tell me!"

"No."

"Come on!"

"No."

"Please!"

"Just let me say it." yelled Obi-Wan.

"Fine! Glory hog." another long silence followed. "Any day now?"

"I kind of forgot too."

"For god's sake! You came here to fight me and free the Chancellor!" yelled Count Dooku.

"Oh yeah!" chimed Obi-Wan and Anakin in unison. After they heard that they glared at each other and stepped away. Once again a long silence followed.

"Well?" asked Dooku.

"What?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Fight me you dweebs!"

"If you say so." mumbled Anakin jumping into the air igniting his ice blue lightsabor. He twirled around lashing at the hand railing and screaming like a monkey. He flew into the air in a karate battle stance above Dooku's head. Dooku shook in fear below the mad man. Anakin was about to impale his head when suddenly the "I'm too sexy" song came to their ears. Anakin froze. Then his face cleared of fright and surprise as he turned off his lightsabor and pulled out his cell phone.

"Hello? Wassup girlfriend? Oh, nothing important, just standing around." Dooku turned to Obi-Wan who in turn screamed like a little girl and darted crazily around in the room. Dooku waved his hand sending things flying at him. They continued their pursuit of cat and mouse virtually destroying the entire room. "Oh yeah, he's right here." Anakin held the phone out facing the Chancellor. "Palpy! It's Aayla!"

"Ooh! Bring it over here!" he cried.

"Anakin!" screamed Obi-Wan. "Help me! Help me!"

"Shhhh! Gosh Obi-Wan! Can't you see I'm holding the phone for Palpy! Can't you think about anyone but yourself? He's old!"

"So am I!"

"You're right, you are. I don't know if you noticed, but your side burns are graying."

"Really?" Obi-Wan looked at him with an inquiring gaze still trying to escape Count Dooku who was now laughing menacingly.

"You should dye it! Oh! I have the perfect idea! I'll set you up with Jen! She's fabulous. You should get golden brown, that's what I have!"

"Hmm," Suddenly the walkway above Obi-Wan gave out and landed on top of him.

"Obi-Wan! This is no time for a nap! I know you need your beauty sleep, but that hair won't ungray itself."

"Mwahahahaha!" laughed Dooku. He closed his eyes and fell to his knees sending his laugh echoing through the room. Anakin came up behind him and cut off his head.

"He's so annoying!" yelled Anakin. "I guess we had better get out of here." Palpatine got off the phone and walked over. "Ewe, I have to carry him!" he wined looking at Obi-Wan.

"Just leave him for crying out loud!" yelled Palpatine.

"I can't, the Jedi will get all pissed at me."


	2. Padme confronts Anakin

1Finally in a great heroic efforts the threesome landed back on Coruscant. When I say heroic I of course mean they stopped for coffee. The small transport settled down on a docking bay outside a big government building. A mad swarm of political idealists swarmed them as they exited the ship. Anakin's eyes glowed with adrenaline as he activated his lightsabor. Obi-Wan tackled him to the ground.

"Politicians! Politicians!" yelled Anakin in a happy/insane growling type of voice with his eyes dazed. Obi-Wan pried the lightsabor from his hands.

"You'll get this back after you take more medicine." He said trying to provoke him by waving it in his face. He squirmed and howled while nipping at the saber. Obi-Wan laughed and pointed. He took out his cell phone and sent a picture to Yoda.

Yoda was deep into concentration. Everything around him hummed from the exposure of the force. Suddenly his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and flipped it open. He laughed hysterically at the pictures of Obi-Wan poking Anakin with a stick while his mouth was foaming.

Obi-Wan knew his fun had to come to an end before he threw his back out. He got back on the transport.

"Where to?" asked the pilot.

"As far away from him as you can get me."

Anakin sat up and wiped his chin on his sleeve. He saw everyone was staring at him and laughing. He waved his hand and mumbled "You are all screw-ups and aspire to be as cool as I one day."

"We are all screw-ups and aspire to be as cool as you someday." They chanted back. He let them cover him in compliments until he reached his pent house suite. He thrust open the doors to reveal his wife, Padme, watching MTV. She leapt from the coach and ran towards him.

"I missed you so much!" he yelled running in. Padme stood before him with her arms spread out and beaming. He ran right past her and into the bathroom. He opened a drawer and pulled out a huge leopard fur covered box. He hugged it and kissed it. He opened it to reveal rows of make-up and brushes. "It's good to be home." Padme was staring at him with disgust from the hallways. He claimed to be straight but had an unnatural obsession with beauty products.

He walked straight past her and went into the kitchen. His medal hand grasped the handle to the oven. He opened it crunching the medal.

"Where's the beer!?!" he cried. Padme walked past him and opened the fridge.

"In the fridge."

"Why is it in there?"

"So it gets cold."

"Why?"

"So it tastes better."

"Why?"

"Just take a freakin' beer!" he grabbed a can and plopped down on a couch. She stood in front of him. He looked her up and down.

"You look fat." he blurted out staring into the can. "What's wrong."

"Something wonderful has happened Ani!"

"Michael Jackson died?"

"No." she answered calmly.

"Yoda thinks I'm hot?"

"No," she answered a little more angry.

"My hair looks great today?"

"I'M FREAKIN" PREGNANT YOU DWEEB!" she shrieked.

"Well it's about time." sneered Anakin setting down the beer can. "Let's just hope it doesn't get your hair."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing personal, but brown hair is so out."

"You have brown hair!"

"_Golden_ brown baby, _golden_ brown. Frankly, your looks just don't cut it."

"Yeah, well you might not even be the father!" Padme had been so enraged she let it slip out. She immediately shot up and tried to run off.

"SIT!' bellowed Anakin. She sat down like an obedient pet. "Now, I know that you have a lot of your mother in you and are a pretty big slut, and I accept that."

"You do?"

"Of course, just as long as you accept my semi gayness."

"About that-"

"Now, even if the kid isn't my biological son or daughter, I will still raise it as my own. But, I can't have an ugly baby, who else may be that father?"

"Well," she began. "Mace Windu,"

"Fine,"

"Palpatine,"

"Fine,"

"Yoda,"

"Fine,"

"Dooku,"

"Fine,"

"Grevious,"

"Fine,"

"and Obi-Wan."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed. Everyone in the building covered their ears. "NOT OBI-WAN! MY CHILD IS GOING TO BE HIDEOUS!"

"We don't know if he's the father yet." she said trying to calm him down. She forced him to sit. He began to cry.

"What am I going to do? What am I going to say? Everyone is going to mock me! How can a hot guy and an average looking girl make a disgusting child? They'll think I got plastic surgery!"

"Ani, I think we need to get away for a while, just you and me. We can go out for dinner."

"I'll drive!" he yelled running to the bathroom. He locked himself in and didn't come out for two hours while he reacquainted himself with his make-up.


	3. The trip to the bar

1"Oh yeah baby! WOOOOHOOO!" screamed Anakin sticking his hands above him in the "fight the power" sign. Padme clenched the seat of the open cockpit yellow speeder they were in. he veered left and right and did loops around all the other drivers.

"Don't you think we should slow down?" she asked. He fell down across her lap.

"Astalavista, baby!"

"Anakin!" she screamed leaning forward to the steering wheel.

"I got it. I GOT IT!" he yelled sitting up. "Gosh, you're cramping my style."

"So honey,"

"Don't call me honey, call me, Goldie Locks!"

"Well, Goldie Locks, where are we going to eat?"

Anakin leaned back, closed his eyes, and rubbed his chin. Suddenly he shot forward against the wheel.

"That one!" he yelled in a crazed voice. The pod jolted forward and landed on the pavement screeching and burning. "FIRE!" he yelled in excitement. Padme pulled him out of the pod my the ear and pulled out a needle.

"I told you to take your medicine!" she scolded pulling out his arm and injecting the needle.

He howled like a wolf being destroyed in a blender. Everyone stopped and stared at him as he cried and sucked his thumb on the ground.

"Anakin, this is a bar!" yelled Padme as they entered the place he had chosen to eat in.

"And?" he walked forward and stood before a booth full of people. He smiled at them and they smiled back. Suddenly a blue lightsabor ignited at his side. They all ran away screaming as they entered the booth.

"Here it is." said Mace Windu. They turned the corner into a bar. Obi-Wan shifted uneasily where he stood. Yoda virtually exploded.

"ALCOHOL!" he exclaimed. He bolted forward but Mace grabbed onto his head.

"Drink responsibly my little friend." he preached.

"Get your paws off my shiny head!" he roared leaping to the bar.

"Are you okay Obi-Wan?"

"No, not really," he answered still shifting.

"You look constipated."

"No! It's not that. You see, I'm a reckless drunk."

"Aren't we all?" Mace pulled Obi-Wan into the crowded bar while Obi-Wan tried to persuade him. They sat down.

"What can I get for you?" asked the waiter.

"We'll take a couple martinis. Make my friends a double." Answered Mace.

"No really," persisted Obi-Wan. The people next to them got up to reveal Yoda sitting at the end. His green hands were wrapped around a foot high glass with about a centimeter left of scotch in it. He smacked his lips wildly and turned to them.

"Hello boys." He said. "Waiter!"

"Yes?" he asked.

"A red crested cougar, I want." The entire bar silenced. Everyone stared at him.

"But sir, that is the biggest and most alcoholic drink we serve!"

"Do it!" The bar tender reluctantly pushed forward an even bigger mug of red liquid. Yoda had to stand on the counter to get his head above it. He stared at it contemplating. Obi-Wan sat transfixed. Suddenly he plunged his head into it and began slurping wildly. With in seconds he sat at the bottom of the empty mug.

Silence filled the bar. Suddenly Anakin and Padme in the back realized it was Yoda at the bar. Yoda pulled out his lightsabor and severed the glass. He stared at everybody and fell onto the bar table and did the worm. A disco ball came down from the ceiling and mad music played. Everyone hovered around the little green break dancer.

"Yoda I am!" he yelled. "Roar hear me!" he tore off his shirt and began to do a head spin.

"Go Yoda! Go Yoda!" chanted the crowd. Mace leapt up near Yoda and tore off his shirt also. He did the disco point.

"Wow!" cried Anakin. "Master Windu is pretty hot!"

But Anakin's joy was soon killed as Obi-Wan joined them, also shirtless, and did Michael Jackson moves.

Anakin's eyes were about to pop. They were burning bright red and were extremely painful to him. Obi-Wan had a huge hairy chest. There was even hair over his six pack. He even had a six pack! Anakin didn't even have one that big. Obi-Wan caught site of Anakin trying to pull Padme to the door. He jumped down and slipped in front of them.

"Fancy meeting you here!" yelled Obi-Wan squinting and shifting his back.

"Hello Obi-Wan." said Padme quite amused.

"AHHHHHH! You look like a freakin' gorilla!" screamed Anakin trying to avert his gaze. Obi-Wan slumped over to Anakin's side and slipped his arm around him.

"Can I buy you a drink?" he asked.

**"IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **he screamed. Padme pulled out her cell phone and took pictures.

"Mom will love these!" she exclaimed. Anakin was wincing and pushing on Obi-Wan's face as he moved closer and through his arms around him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" shrieked Anakin.

"Oh look, mistletoe!" said Obi-Wan pursing his lips.

"IT'S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YOU FAG!" Obi-Wan came closer and closer. Anakin struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was too strong. Padme laughed and pointed from the side lines. Just as Obi-Wan was about to reach his destination, he froze.

His eyes darted from side to side. He let off a wild cry like the ones you would hear from politicians. He leapt into the air and ignited his lightsabor. He slashed at everyone severing their heads and piercing their spleens.

"Let's go." Said Anakin pushing Padme outside.

Anakin was so pissed off at Obi-Wan he had stayed up all night plotting his revenge. Padme had gone nuts listening to him whispering menacingly to himself. Bright and early in the morning he snuck to the phone. He dialed in Obi-Wan's number.

"Hello?" came his shaky voice. He obviously had a hangover.

"No! I want goat milk!" screamed Anakin in a Swedish accent.

"Excuse me?"

"No excuses! I will tell Billy!"

"Who is Billy?"

"Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk!"

"SHUT UP!" he screamed. "Now, what do you want?"

"Toenail clippings."

"What?"

"Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk! Goat Milk!"

"DO YOU WANT GOAT MILK OR TOENAIL CLIPPINGS!?!"

"I want fruit punch. Deliver it!"

"No!"

"GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK!"

"Fine! I'll get you fruit punch! Where do you live?"

"The sixth room on the third floor of Skyline Apartments."

"Anakin! Stop prank phone calling me!"

"GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK! GOAT MILK!"

"Okay! I'll get you some freakin' fruit punch!"

He slammed down his receiver. Anakin sat down on the couch and laughed. As the sun came up he heard a crash outside. He raced to the balcony to see Obi-Wan sprawled on the garbage cans. It was time for phase two of his plan.

Obi-Wan stammered underneath the balcony. Anakin stuck his fingers far back in his mouth vomited all over Obi-Wan's head.

"ANAKIN!" he wailed.

"Ha-ha Master! You got served!" Obi-Wan stormed angrily into the building. Anakin bolted to the door and picked up a bucket that was near it.

The door creaked open. He through the bucket full of fish goo all over Obi-Wan, only it wasn't Obi-Wan. It was Mace Windu. Anakin, horror struck, dropped the bucket.

"ANAKIN SKYWALKER!" he bellowed.

"PADME!" shrieked Anakin running down the hallway. He jumped onto Padme who had still been sleeping.

"Ani! What the heck are you doing?" she asked tiredly. He rolled over her onto his side of the bed and pulled the peach covers over his head. Mace stomped into the room.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" he cried jumping onto the bed. Padme screamed but Anakin screamed even harder. Mace fell onto his knees and continually punched Anakin. Padme got up, grabbed a cup of coffee, sat back down, and watched.

"AHHHH!" screamed Anakin. Finally after a bloody nose and several reddish bruises Mace grabbed him by the ear and threw him out in the hallway.

"The worst is yet to come." sneered Mace. Anakin curled up on the floor hugging himself and kissing his booboos. Suddenly he looked up to realize Mace had gone into the bathroom.

He jumped up and stood in horror at the doorway. Mace had taken the lids off all of his blush, piled them in the sink, and was now drenching them.

"Padme! He's drowning my babies!" he cried trying to run into the bathroom. Mace put his hand up and knocked Anakin back into the wall. He cried and screamed. He fell to the floor and threw a fit.

Mace unscrewed all of his lip glosses and rinsed them out. He smudged all of his lipsticks in the sink. He cracked all of his mascara brushes. He destroyed everything in the bathroom including his many shampoos and conditioners.

Padme got out of bed to find Anakin whimpering in the fetal position outside the bathroom where Mace was whipping his hands. The sink was full of wet make up junk. He stepped out over Anakin and turned to Padme.

"Sorry about the mess." he said. He walked to the door, Padme slipped around the corner following him.


	4. Palpatine is a Sith

1Anakin wiped a tear from his eye. He slowly uncurled. He sniffed and looked around.

"This isn't my suite!" he exclaimed. He sat on the floor of the Chancellor's office. Palpatine was standing behind his desk doing paper things.

"Ani! I'm glad you're awake! You seemed pretty shaken up when I arrived." he replied kindly. Another tear came to Anakin's eye.

"Oh Palpy, it's horrible!" he wailed.

"Come my boy, sit down, tell me what happened." Anakin dragged himself into the seat in front of his desk.

"Obi-Wan really pissed me off last night, he tried to French me!"

"No."

"That's not all! He was hugging me and putting his arm around me, I had to get revenge. So I tricked him to coming into the building right, so I could spew fish stuff on him. But, when I threw it on him, it was Mace. He hit me and destroyed all of my make up!"

"OMG! What a jerk off!"

"I know!"

"Wait, I know what will make you happy. Gossip."

"Ooh!"

"It turns out Mace has been eyeing Yoda in the Jedi Council room."

"No way!"

"It's just a rumor. I have no way of really knowing. I also heard they have been talking about me behind my back."

"Uh!"

"But once again I have no way of knowing."

"There has to be some way of finding out."

"The only people who would know are the people on the council."

"They'll never talk." Anakin was once again depressed.

"Well actually, there is one way. Get Obi-Wan drunk and talk him into taking a bath with-"

"No way! Obi-Wan is such a fag!"

"Hmm, I guess we're stuck then." sighed Palpatine sinking back in his chair. "Wait! I can appoint you to be my personal representative on the Jedi Council!"

"Mace will never go for that after what happened today."

"I have ways of, _persuading_ him. Being a Sith-POLITICIAN! I'm a politician! Not a Sith! I don't know why I said Sith. Hehe."

"Really? You'll make me a Jedi master?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Thank you Palpy!" he exclaimed jumping across the table onto Palpatine.

Mace Windu relaxed on the couch. He was wearing Anakin's blue silk bath robe with the large letter A inscribed on it. Padme sat down next to him.

"Oh, look at the time, I better start going." He said.

"No! Please stay! The fun's just getting started!"

"I have to go, Jedi Council thing." He started to get up. Padme jumped to his side.

"Take me with you! I'll be quiet! No one will notice me!"

"Oh, why not?" he picked her up and carried her out the door.

Anakin stood beaming outside the door of the Jedi Council Room. He could hear them talking. Finally the doors opened and he was called in. To his dismay, Padme was sitting on Mace's lap.

"Padme?" asked Anakin. "What are you doing?"

"You said you didn't mind my slutty nature!" she snapped.

"That's my bathrobe!"

"IT'S MINE NOW!!!" yelled Mace.

"Sorry Master Windu." said Anakin.

"Now," continued Mace "Palpatine wanted you to be on the Jedi Council. Palpatine was very, _persuasive_, but that doesn't change the fact that I hate you! You can be on the council, but you're not a master! HA! What now!?!" he jumped up pushing Padme onto Yoda and danced around Anakin's head. "You're not a Master! I am! Nener nener nener!" he mocked. He poked his head and spat at his face.

"THAT'S IT!" screamed Anakin. He pushed Mace over and ignited his lightsabor. He jumped into the air and diced all of the chairs. The Jedi masters all ran to the windows and cried for their mommies. Obi-Wan and Padme leapt into action.

"I'll hold him down, you inject the medicine!" he ordered. He tackled the squirming Anakin to the ground as Padme thrust the needle into his arm.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! THE PAIN! NOT MY MEDICINE! OBI-WAN YOU FAG!" he cried. Suddenly he fell silent. Acting as if nothing had happened all of the Jedi masters returned to their seats and Anakin stood before the council again.

"I apologize for my out burst Master Windu," said Anakin solemnly "NOT!" with that he reignited his lightsabor and continued to slash everything in bad blind fury with his mouth foaming.

"Padme, you tackle him down!" yelled Obi-Wan. "This time, I want the inject the needle!" Padme jumped onto his back and hit his head until he fell. Obi-Wan pulled out the needle and injected it into his left butt cheek.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME! RAPIST!"

"Uhg! I am so pissed off!" screamed Anakin. He was laying down at his therapists. Padme had talked him into go there a few months earlier.

"Why are you so pissed off Anakin?" asked the therapist.

"Because the Jedi are cramping my style man! Now that Mace wore my bathrobe I'll never be able to pull it off again! Then Obi-Wan sticks a needle in my butt! How will I ever face them again?"

"Well, how about you look at some ink blots?" he pulled out some cards with ink stains on them. "Now, just tell me what you see in this one."

"Me killing Obi-Wan."

"Okay, in this one?"

"Me strangling Obi-Wan."

"This one?"

"Me running over Obi-Wan with a tractor."

"Let's move on. I'm going to say a word, and you tell me the first word that comes to mind. Bunnies."

"Blood."

"Ocean."

"Drowning."

"Ducks."

"Guns."

"How about you tell me what you feel."

"I feel over impulsive anger towards Obi-Wan. I want to drive a needle into his ass and see how he likes it. I want to stomp on him. I want to drink lemonade. I want to spit at him from atop buildings."

"Look inside yourself, find inner peace." Anakin closed his eyes and exhaled. "Have you found it? What do you see?"

"A red bathrobe. Not a blue one, red looks better on me."

"So what are you going to do know?"

"I'm going to reap upon Obi-Wan's soul."

Obi-Wan was walking down the hallway looking out at the horizon. Anakin turned a corner and saw him. He ran at him from behind and jumped on his head.

"Anakin you butt! Get off me!" he yelled.

"Don't like having people tackle you to the ground do you?" he asked giving him a nuggie.

"Maybe if you took your medicine yourself we wouldn't have to!"

"Well, I did. I took it myself this morning."

"You did?" Obi-Wan shoved Anakin to the ground and stood up. "I'm so proud of you."

"Cut the crap Obi-Wan, I'm here for revenge. Turn around."

"No."

"Do it!"

"No!"

"Do it!"

"NO!"

"FLIPPIN' DO IT OBI-WAN!"

"Fine! Just stop spitting on me!" Obi-Wan cautiously turned around. Anakin cracked his knuckles. Obi-Wan gulped. Anakin lifted his hands in the air. The ceiling became a meaningless portal of doom. Blue lightning cracked into his hands. Suddenly the top of Obi-Wan's pants began to glow bright blue.

"My trousers!" exclaimed Obi-Wan. His underwear began to appear over the edge of his pants. Suddenly it shot above him and dangled him around like a cat toy in a super atomic wedgie. Obi-Wan let out a cry of pain. Anakin laughed and through his head back. Everyone walking down the hall stared at them.

Out of nowhere Anakin stopped and Obi-Wan fell to the ground. He got up and pulled up his pants. They carried on the conversation like nothing had happened.

"Did you see the way Mace was staring at Yoda?" asked Anakin.

"Oh my gosh! He so has a crush on him. Speaking about the council, they kind of wanted to ask you a favor."

"I don't give lap dances!" exclaimed Anakin.

"You don't? I mean, that's not the favor! We kind of wanted you to, you know, like, spy on Palpatine."

"Why would you want me to do that?"

"They think he's up to something."

"Like what?"

"They think he wares wighty tighties." whispered Obi-Wan.

"No way."

"That's what I heard."

"Wait, you stuck a needle in my butt and laughed, why should I do this for you?"

"You know you love me."

"HUG!" they came together in a warm embrace.

"I love you man." Mumbled Obi-Wan.

"I love my hair."

Anakin was ready. He had admired Palpatine for years, but never thought he would have a chance with him. But finally he had asked him out on a date. Well, he hadn't really used the word date, but they were going to an opera. What's more romantic than that?

"I'm here Palpy." He announced.

"Ani! Good to see you, sit down, right here, next to me." Anakin blushed as he seated himself. "Do you want to join the Sith?"

"What?"

"Sorry! It just slipped out." A long silence followed. "Please, please, please! I need you! I'm lonely! You would make such a good Sith! And you can be called Lord!"

"I'm telling!" yelled Anakin leaping from his chair "You're a Sith Lord! I need to tell Mace! On second thought, what kind of benefits package do I get?"

"You will learn to save people you love from dieing."

"Oh," said Anakin disappointed "If that's it,"

"And you can reap upon people's souls!"

"I'll think about it."


	5. The Makeover

1Anakin stood outside Obi-Wan's door. He had finally talked him into going to a day spa with him. He was so excited he swung open the door and barged in.

"Let's go!" he cried "Obi-Wan! Get your clothes on!"

"Anakin! You don't just barge into a room like that!" he yelled.

"Hurry up! I'm bored!"

Anakin and Obi-Wan walked hand in hand up to the counter at the day spa. A lady with three inch long red nails and bleached blonde hair turned to great them.

"I have a reservation." Said Anakin

"Under what name?" croaked the lady.

"Hot mama." Obi-Wan stared at him. They entered the spa room and Obi-Wan reluctantly got his chest waxed, his hair died, and his nails done. At the end he looked in a mirror.

"I look like you!" he shrieked in horror.

"I'm so proud of you Obi-Wan! You finally blossomed!"

Obi-Wan felt shy as they reentered the Jedi Temple. He didn't know what they would say.

"Wow Obi-Wan, you're looking good today." Remarked a passing woman.

"Why thank you." Said Obi-Wan in shock.

"Obi-Wan! You look hot!" remarked another.

"Thanks!"

"Da-yum you fine!"

"I try."

"Break me off a piece of that!" Obi-Wan was wearing a broad smile when suddenly Mace Windu turned the corner still wearing Anakin's bath robe.

"Obi-Wan, you're smokin'!" he exclaimed.

"I had them do the same thing as me." Blurted Anakin.

"DID I ASK YOU!?!"

"No sir."

"GUESS WHAT! I'M STILL A MASTER AND YOU'RE NOT! MWAHAHAHAHA! So Obi-Wan, do you want to go out some time? Just the two of us?"

"Step over shiny head!" yelled Anakin grabbing Obi-Wan's hand. "He's mine!"

"I will get my revenge." growled Mace as they walked away.

News spread like wild fire across the Jedi Temple about Anakin going out with the hottest Jedi in the galaxy. Everyone was extremely jealous. They even made power couple of the month in Jedi Monthly. Padme found it amusing. While Anakin was on dates with Obi-Wan she got some alone time with every man on the planet.

But Mace was seriously pissed off. He knew something had to be done. His chance came when Padme was sitting in his lap again during a council session.

"It is time to celebrate!" he announced jumping up. "Grevious is on Utapou!" everyone got up and cheered. They threw around confetti and popped champagne bottles for about fifty seconds and sat back down.

"Send someone there, we must." said Yoda.

"I think Yoda should go." suggested Obi-Wan.

"No way!" screamed Yoda "Going on a party cruise on Kashyyk I am!"

"Obi-Wan, you're going." Announced Mace.

"What? Me?"

"Yes you! Now go away! You may be a hunksicle but you still have to do your job!"

"Fine! I'm going!" Obi-Wan walked out the door.

Obi-Wan had arrived on Utapou. He snuck through the vents looking for the sexy figure of General Grevious. Finally he found it. He was threatening the Separatists again.

"One more wise crack," he stopped to cough "about my pink mask and I will impale your heads on toothpicks!" they all gulped in unison.

"It's time to make my grand entrance." mumbled Obi-Wan. He dove down from a hole in the vents. He landed on the table all of the Separatists were sitting at. He did a belly slide across it and crashed to the ground at the end. "That did not feel good." He said getting up.

"Obi-Wan Ke-" he once again stopped to cough "nobi! You are a, wow! You look hot!"

"Thanks!" he exclaimed "Now I must kill you!"

"Wait! Droid 234234! Get my lightsabors. Droid 32452! Get my inhaler!" two droids rushed out and back in. He grabbed the inhaler and sucked in. He snapped it on his belt and crushed the droid's head in his hand. He wheeled around making the other droid jump. He grabbed the light sabers and turned to Obi-Wan. "You are pretty hot Obi-Wan, it will be hard to kill you."

"No, I am going to kill you. Hi-yah!" he screamed bolting forward at Grevious. Grevious stuck out two of the four lightsabors blocking his attack. Obi-Wan cursed. Grevious back handed him and sent him flying.

Obi-Wan wiped the blood from his cheek and attacked again. Grevious kicked the flying Jedi back into a wall. Obi-Wan gave Grevious the finger.

"Up yours!" he yelled.

"Your mom-" he stopped to cough "Obi-wan!"

Obi-Wan leaped forward but Grevious did a full on body slam. Obi-Wan struggled to escape the medal weirdo. He had no luck. Grevious pushed down harder and harder trying to make him pop. Obi-Wan spat at him.

"That's just-" cough "gross man! Ewe! No wonder Anakin hates you so much!"

"FYI, I'm going out with him" sneered Obi-Wan. Grevious hacked a lugi that landed on Obi-Wan's thigh. "Ahh! That hurts!" Grevious clamored towards him. He held the four lightsabor above him and tightened his grip. They all crunched and flickered out.

"Oh shizzle." He said. Obi-Wan tried to leap up but Grevious stepped on him sending him back to the ground. He reached onto his belt and grabbed blaster.

"Monkey!" exclaimed Obi-Wan pointing off.

"Where?" asked Grevious looking in the direction his was pointing to. Obi-Wan waved his hand and the blaster came into his.

Grevious coughed and hacked snot all over the floor. His sudden up chuck gave Obi-Wan a chance to get a better distance away from him. Grevious grabbed Obi-Wan and tried to crunch his shoulder. Obi-Wan turned and pried open his chest plate.

"If you wanted me to take off my clothes you could have just asked!" yelled Grevious.

"Ewe!" Obi-Wan started shooting at his pumping organs. He expected them to explode in a fiery death like the one's Anakin used to set off on his head while he was sleeping, but it didn't.

"Haha!" laughed Grevious coughing. He reached for his inhaler. Obi-Wan shifted his aim and blasted the inhaler. Grevious swore and threw Obi-Wan into the wall like a Barbie doll. He started choking and fell to the floor.

"That was easier than I thought." Suddenly his cell phone went off. "Hello?"

"Wassup?" asked Mace Windu on the other line.

"I have defeated General Grevious."

"Way to go! When you come back we can have a party, at my place. Better yet, in my room! Even better, in my bed! We'll invite Yoda, and Palpatine, and- on second thought, how about just us two?"

"Sounds good, I'll be back soon."

"I'm waiting!"

While Mace was waiting for Obi-Wan he decided to go to a council session and rub it in Anakin's face.

"So Anakin, have you heard anything from Palpatine?" he asked.

"He thinks Obi-Wan is hot, he's a Sith lord, and he really likes scrambled eggs in the shower."

"SITH! HOLY CRAP! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US!?!" screamed Mace. Everyone in the room exploded with rage and jumped at Anakin. They tackled him and punched him repeatedly. Anakin didn't mind. They did this to him about once a month. But, what Mace did was going to far.

He stepped forward with a bottle in his hands.

"What's that?" inquired Anakin.

"It's my shampoo." he replied.

"But you have no hair."

"This shampoo is to blame." He squirted some in his hand and wiped it all over Anakin's hair.

"HOLY FLIPPIN' NO! I HATE YOUR FREAKIN' GUTS! ALL OF YOU! YOU ALL SUCK BALLS! AHHHH! I'M GOING TO KILL ALL OF YOU!" he started foaming at the mouth again. Everyone tried to hold him down while Padme tried to inject his medicine but he was too enraged. He ran into the hall and rinsed his hair in a drinking fountain. He bolted out of the temple and went to Palpatine's office.

"Anakin! Please join the Sith!" he pleaded at his sight.

"I will! I want revenge on those ball suckers! They almost made me go bald!"

"No!" Just then they turned to see Mace Windu and three other Jedi enter the room.

"Busted!" yelled Mace. Palpatine glared at them.

"You want to take me on?" he asked.

"Bring it on old man!"

"You die today!" Palpatine roared and ignited his scarlet lightsabor. He turned and twisted slaughtering the three other Jedi. Mace sweated. Palpatine was tough. They parried and fought. He pushed Mace into the wall and punched him in the eye and kicked him in the nuts.

"I will triumph! For I am Mace Windu!" yelled Mace. He jumped into the air. On his landing he grabbed Palpatine's hair. He pulled it back so hard his face started to stretch.

"Ah! Help me Ani!" cried Palpatine.

"Get your hand off him! Just because he has hair and you don't doesn't give you the right to stretch his fat!" Anakin leapt into action. Mace screamed like a little girl. Anakin had fury in his eyes. He screamed and slashed at everything in the room. The desk was severed, the statues were diced, the carpet was torn. Mace screamed and ran out the window falling to his demise.

"That was easy." Confessed Anakin. He turned to Palpatine. "AHHHHH!" he shrieked.

"What?" asked Palpatine turning to a mirror. "AHHHHHH!" they both screamed and hugged each other shrieking their Sithy heads off at the hideous sight.

"So what do I do now?" asked Anakin.

"Normal Sith stuff. Pick up eggs, milk, drop of my dry cleaning, destroy the Jedi temple, and do my taxes."

"That shouldn't take more that an hour. I'll be back soon." He ran to the door and turned around "Wait, what's my new Sith name?"

"Uh, mine's Sidious because I have a sister, s, who is hideous, ideous."

"What's mine?"

"Well, uh, this is tough. Oh! I know! Vader, because you are an invader of people's space bubble."

"Far out!"

Obi-Wan was running around frolicking. He sang and danced and gave himself hugs. He was so proud of himself for killing General Grevious. Within the half an hour after he had killed Grevious he had decided he was the savior of the galaxy and started to preach for everyone.

He stood before all of the clone troopers beaming. They all watched impatiently. He cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Good people of the clone army," he began "it is I! The grand enforcer of the galaxy! I have come to save all of you from a horrible death at the hands of ugliness. I am willing to give all of you makeovers so you can be hot like me and go out with hot people like me. I will demonstrate first how to put on lip stick."

Suddenly a cell phone went off. Everyone turned to commander Cody who pulled out his phone and flipped it open.

"Hello? Yes this is Cody. Yes. Okay. It will be done. Bye." He turned off his phone and looked up at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan stared back at him. They both stood staring at one another in silence. Their eyes pierced each other, they were both cold and full of mystery.

"Die Jedi! Die!" he screamed pulling out his gun. He began to shoot furiously at him. Everybody else followed and did the same.

Obi-Wan leapt into the air like a cat in water. He pulled out his sapphire saber and whirled it around. The lasers ricocheted off it and flew back at the clones. They all screamed and ran for cover.

"Son of a!" yelled Cody throwing bombs at him. Obi-Wan's eyes widened. He whirled around and ran. Everything went in slow motion like it does when some one is running from an explosion in the movies. Obi-Wan's hair flapped in the wind. His eyes watered. His tongue flapped. The fire engulfed his sides. He lunged forward with the end of his robes scorched. He landed panting on the ground.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee." He declared.


	6. Anakin takes over the temple

1"TRICK OR TREAT!" shrieked Anakin bursting into the Jedi temple. The rows of gleaming white clone troopers stomped behind them. Everyone stopped and stared at them. "DIE! DIE! DIE!" he yelled leaping towards them and slicing off their heads. Everyone ran and cried.

"It's the apocalypse!" they screamed. Anakin jumped across the ceiling and sliced people in half. Everyone lay around dead. Anakin pulled out a list and marked off destroy Jedi Temple.

Obi-Wan was stepping out of Star Bucks just as his cell phone went off.

"Hello?" he said.

"Obi-Wan, Yoda this is."

"Wassup?"

"Pissed off, I am. Turned on me, my troops have."

"Diddo." Obi-Wan took a slurp of his latte. "So how is your cruise going?"

"Ha ha. Funny very. At the Jedi Temple meet me Mr. Hilarious."

Palpatine with his new deformed look stepped before the senate. Everyone screamed in horror.

"I'm not that ugly, am I?" he asked.

"What happened?" asked a random Senator.

"It was the Jedi. They pulled on my head! They stretched my fat!" everyone gasped. "That's why I have decided to kill all of them! Yippee!"

"You don't have that kind of authority!"

"Of course I do! I'm appointing myself to be the Emperor of the galaxy! Yippee!" everyone burst out in anger. Palpatine became ticked. He threw his hands in the air and shot blue lighting at all of them. They silenced instantly. "Now that you see it my way, praise me!"

The senate exploded with applause. Everyone patted Palpatine on the back and set off fireworks.

"Oh no he didn't!" shrieked Padme. "My child's father could be a Jedi!" she stormed angrily out of the room.

Obi-Wan walked casually down the street. He was just about to enter the Jedi Temple when a wrinkly green three fingered hand grasped him by the air and pulled him behind a garbage can.

"Master Yoda! That hurt! Gosh!" exclaimed Obi-Wan.

"Shut up! Loud you are! God. Just walk in there you cannot! Who do you think you are? George Bush?" he scolded.

"Can we just go in there! I need to go to the bathroom. Really bad."

"You and your bladder control issues."

They snuck down the empty halls, realized no body was looking for them, and arrived in a room with a huge pile of dead Jedi.

"Holy monkey!" shrieked Obi-Wan. "Someone has been busy! Who did this?"

"The act cut Obi-Wan. Know who did this you do."

"Anakin again?"

"Totally."

"The little bleach head! I'm going to kill him!" Obi-Wan began to storm off angrily.

"Going, where are you?"

"To go kill him! Don't you listen?"

"Like that you are not! Disguises we need!"

"Where are we going to get disguises?"

"Anakin's room." Obi-Wan shrugged and followed the little green thing to Anakin's room. They put on frilly pink dresses and perfume. Yoda had to do Obi-Wan's make up because he sucked really hard at it.

They pranced down the streets side by side. All the men wolf whistled and asked for their phone numbers. But Obi-Wan was too infuriated at Anakin. He knew what had to be done. So he stalked Padme. He knew she would also be trying to whoop his butt.


	7. The climax

1Anakin had finished his to do list by reaping the souls of the separatists on the lava planet of Mustafar. He was sitting around toiling his hair when suddenly he felt Padme's presence.

He looked on the surveillance footage to see her shiny skiff coming down for a landing. For a moment he was jumping with joy, but then he felt another presence with her.

"Oh crap! She brought the therapist!" he had been so angry he didn't realize Obi-Wan was also on board. He stormed to ship. He saw his beautiful reflection in the side, blew a couple of kisses, and continued to storm around angrily.

"Anakin! What did you do?" shrieked Padme. "Palpatine has this huge ego and thinks he can take over the galaxy!" she stomped in front of him. "You're wearing my eyeliner!"

"No I'm not!" he yelled turning around. She pulled on his shoulder causing him to face her.

"Yes you are! Who do you think you are?"

"I am Lord Vader! I can overthrow the emperor! And together you and I can make things the way we want to be!"

"I am glad I brought the therapist."

"That hurts me when you say that, it really does."

"He's here to help you."

"Here you go again with the "help" thing."

"So we meet again Anakin." Yelled the Therapist walking towards them.

"Uh! You win!" gave up Anakin.

"So tell me what's been going on Anakin." Said the Therapist.

"I'll tell you what's wrong!" butted in Padme. "He's been killing every person I ever met!"

"Killing calms me down." Confessed Anakin.

"There you go with excuses again."

"Me? What about you? 'Yoda wasn't in our bed, he was changing the sheets!' 'That wasn't your bathrobe Mace was wearing, the A stood for aardvark!'"

"Padme, why do you make up excuses?" asked the Therapist.

"So I have relationships with twelve men, big deal! But Anakin is gay, he is sensitive. I can't tell him the truth."

"I am not gay!"

"You're going out with Obi-Wan."

"Oh, so that is what this is about."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're jealous that I have been giving more attention to Obi-Wan than you."

"Of course not."

"Padme, is there anything you would like to tell Anakin?" asked the Therapist.

"Well, we never go anywhere anymore. You're always on a date with Obi-Wan." She confessed.

"Can you blame me? She's fat!"

"With your child!"

"Wait, my child? I thought twelve other guys could have been the father."

"Well, I need to confess, they all use protection."

"That means,"

"Yes."

"I'm going to be a daddy!" they hugged. "Thanks doc." He started to get up. "Wait, I sense, Obi-Wan!"

"It's about time!" he yelled stepping out of the closet. "You killed everyone in the Jedi temple!"

"They were asking for it!" he yelled back.

"Oh yeah? Well take this!" Obi-Wan leapt forward and punched him straight in the jaw. They rolled around hitting and kicking each other yelling cuss words and insults about each others mother.

"Boys!" yelled the Therapist. "Stop it! You're behaving like Politicians!" they sat up. So ashamed that they were acting like politicians they got up and sat on the couch. "Now tell me," continued the Therapist "Why are you so mad at each other?"

"He killed all of my friends!" yelled Obi-Wan.

"And he has bigger pecks than I do!"

"That's right!" yelled Obi-Wan, blood dripping down his forehead.

"You wanna go?" asked Anakin.

"Boys, behave!" scolded the Therapist "Anakin, hug Obi-Wan."

"No."

"Hug Obi-Wan."

"No!" Obi-Wan began to cry. Anakin jumped to his feet on the couch. "Take this you big cry baby!" he kicked his side.

"You fag!" screamed Obi-Wan igniting his lightsabor. They leapt from the couch slashing at each other. They continued to try and sever each other as they exited the ship and ran through the lava planet hall type things. Anakin hit Obi-Wan's lightsabor out of his hands and began to poke mockingly at the air around Obi-Wan.

"What now Master? What now?"

"You dweeb!" Obi-Wan shot his hand out and his lightsabor flew to him. He slashed at Anakin who fell over the railing onto an ash beach. "What now Anakin? I have the higher ground!"

"You underestimate my power!"

"I dare you to try it!"

"Darth Vader never backs down from a dare! Take this!" He jumped into the air doing flips and spins above Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan yawned and stuck up his lightsabor cutting off Anakin's right arm and both legs. He fell crying onto the beach. He tried desperately to pull himself back up.

"Oh! Who's a weenie now?" he taunted.

"I HATE YOU!"

"Does that mean we're breaking up?" he burst out in tears. "You're so hurtful!"

"You think you're in pain? YOU CUT MY FREAKIN' LEGS OFF!" he screamed.

"I told you not to jump."

"No you didn't you fag! You dared me to do it!'

"And you did it! Nener, nener, nener!"

"Die!" Anakin used all of the force he could muster to make the lava behind him levitate and chase Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan screamed and ran off with his arms flailing. Anakin lay on the ash beach until he heard a huge explosion in the distance.

He chuckled until Obi-Wan walked back up to him. His gay little mind couldn't figure out what happened.

"You missed me!" taunted Obi-Wan.

"AHHHHH!" Anakin threw the arm he had left up into the air in rage, but while doing this he sunk down into the lava. His figure burst into a brilliant flame.

"Oops." Said Obi-Wan looking around and running off.

"MY BALLS ARE ON FIRE!" screamed Anakin. Luckily the now deformed figure of Emperor Palpatine had just landed on the planet and rushed to Anakin's aid.

When Anakin woke up he was strapped to a rising medical table. Steam flowed in front of him. Little droids scurried about around him. He seemed to be looking through sunglasses.

"Wow, nice shades." He exclaimed, to his surprise, his voice was now black and gangsta. "Holy cheese nips! What happened?"

"Lord Vader, can you hear me?" croaked Palpatine.

"Yes I can hear you now make my voice go back!"

"You burned up in a big inferno, now you're a robot."

"I can live with that. Hey, where's Padme?" he asked looking around.

"I am sorry, but in your rage, you killed her."

"Uh, okay. Hey, where's my shiny golden locks?"

"I'm afraid, they were all burned off."

"No, they couldn't have, I felt them!" He tore his arms free and began feeling his head, where his brilliant hair used to be, now he only felt cheap plastic. "NOOOOOOO!" he cried into the darkness.

Meanwhile in a little medical station conveniently located on a nearby moon Padme was giving birth. Obi-Wan found it so fascinating that the doctors let him cut the cord. Padme began to scream as the first baby began to come.

"Mary mother of god!" exclaimed Obi-Wan falling to the floor. Nobody really noticed and just kept on doing what they were doing. The procedure was actually quite short compared to the estimated two hours of labor she was supposed to endure, so they just stood around until Obi-Wan came back to them to great the little children.

Padme held the first born, a boy.

"I want to name him Anakin! For my dear husband that Obi-Wan murdered!" she exclaimed.

"It was an accident!" he persisted.

"I want to name him Anakin!" she screamed.

"Fine! His name can be Anakin. What about the girl?" he handed her the baby girl. She looked own into the watery little eyes and thought deeply for several moments.

"I WANT TO NAME HER ANAKIN TOO!!!!" she yelled.

"You can't name the girl Anakin!" yelled Obi-Wan.

"I hate you Obi-Wan! I'm killing myself!" she yelled grabbing a knife on the tray next to her.

"Don't do that Padme." He said.

"I'm taking Anakin with me!" she yelled madly. She had obviously gone insane as she began laughing maniacally holding the knife above her and the baby.

"Somebody get the child away from her, thank you." Said Obi-Wan as the doctors pulled away the infant. But they were too slow to stop Padme from plunging the knife into her heart.

"Now that she's gone," said Obi-Wan surveying the children, "That one is Luke, and that one is Leia. So shall it be written, so shall it be done."

So basically that's the end of everything. So Padme was all dead and stuff and Anakin thought he was black. Obi-Wan brought Luke with him to Coruscant to live with his step uncle. Obi-Wan just found a little adobe mud hut and lived a peaceful life of meditation, except on Fridays, that's strippers night at the club.

As for Leia, this one king guy from Alderaan that I forgot to talk about took her in and stuff. So she's a princess, Luke is a little slave boy, just like his daddy! Yoda decided to live in a swamp for some reason. He said it was because he needed to go into exile, what a drama queen.

So now children, we see how just a silly little mistake like throwing a Jedi master out the window can affect a lot of people, so think things through before you do them.

STAY IN SCHOOL YOU NERF HERDERS!!


End file.
